Mixed Bag of Emotions

Mixed emotions, anxiousness and excitement combined in the same easy swallow gel cap that I threw into my mouth and washed down with a cup of tepid water over a year ago. This is how it always begins as I move towards the goal of the next exhibit. In this case, November 1, 2009, my still untitled solo exhibition at Columbus State Community College. Some anxiousness because I'm returning to the "box art" process for this exhibition and producing approximately 25 new pieces. As always, there seems to be a million things to do(mostly unrelated to the show) and the clock is ticking.

Tonight our son is starting in his high school's varsity football game for the first time and has shared over the past few days his nervousness. As my husband pointed this out to me yesterday, I turned and shared my Mother Wisdom(as I'm always more than eager to do)with him. "I would think something was wrong if #3 child(when did I first begin calling our children by numbers?)wasn't nervous. Why if he weren't I'd think that he was too cocky and that state of mind can set you up for a hard fall. Besides, he'll be just fine whether he performs well or not on the field." Somewhere in that conversation must have been talking to myself!

So it's the mixed bag of emotions gel cap that I swallow each time a date is placed on my calendar for the next exhibit. Emotions that keep me grounded and serve as a reminder that I'm not in total control of this artist journey...it comes from a place deep within, so relax and let it flow.

The top left photo shows boxes on my studio shelf awaiting use while the top right are boxes so generously donated by the Norwood family...thanks guys! Bottom photo shows my dog expressing mixed emotions over the huge bag of boxes being brought into the house...guess I didn't check in with her first.

Each week I'll be sharing some of the process of making a "box art" collage.

CAST OFF!

Well, the cast is off and I did a rather odd thing(not unusual for me)as I was leaving the exam room...I tapped the discarded cast with the tip of my crutch, as it was laying on the floor and told it good-bye. Mind you, this piece of fiberglass had become a part of my life for the past three weeks. It continued to hug my left leg even when I didn't like it's presence and had said so out loud or when I felt like crying because "my life" had been so annoyingly disrupted as a result of it's undying devotion to me.

I can't begin to share how many lessons I've learned over these "few" weeks...about myself, my family, priorities and how time is spent. One of the greatest lessons happened Wednesday around noon when I said a quick good-bye to the cast. Webster's dictionary shows one definition as, cast: to throw off, out, or away : as (1): to get rid of : DISCARD (2) SHED, MOLT (a snake casts its skin). I feel as though I cast off old ways of thinking about myself as an artist...yes, I am becoming more business minded, organized and productive.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same."
- Marianne Williamson (from the film "Akeelah and the Bee")

"HARD CAST BLUES" COUNTDOWN

Hmmm...four more days until my next visit to the doctor to check the status of my ankle and to see if the hard cast comes off. Can't believe that I'm actually enjoying this time in a way. One of the reasons is that I've learned how much time I waste on a daily basis due to distractions, running around in the grocery and art supply stores, etc. Having these weeks of convalescence has also given me time to think about the importance of organization in my studio...OK Antoinette, now that your studio is done can I get on your list for help? As a working artist, organization is crucial and can translate into a loss of income as a direct result of wasted time in your work space. I'm amazed at how many pieces of work I'm completing on a daily basis. I've continued to work on "boxart" for the "Dancing Divas" and "Masks" series with much hope that the work will continue to evolve over the next few weeks. The colors are vibrant and have a cazy energy about them that I love.

A couple of weeks ago I was writing about the "Hard Cast Blues" because I felt like whining a little and handling the crutches was a lot harder than I'd expected and hey...Mom needed some attention! By day 4 I realized the sympathy wasn't coming from anyone in this house(they're a tough bunch)and that I'd better figure out the crutches fast before I broke my neck! By the way my son told me he has a greater appreciation for me and what I do for the family...OK, they're not so tough after all. The"Hard Cast Blues" may take on a different meaning once I'm able to return to my normal routine(laundry, transporting our son, cooking, cleaning, working, etc.)and all those things that seem at times to interfere with the creative flow.

Well,the 'ole camera batteries are dead...need to get some before Wednesday so I can post shots of recent works and the cast of course!

"HARD CAST BLUES"

Two days ago, in order to heal a torn ankle tendon, a hard cast was placed on my left leg. If I had been given the gift of music, this current challenge would probably cause me to pen a tune titled, "Hard Cast Blues." Anyhow, for the next four weeks my mind is being challenged to find some means of creating art around the cumbersome cast and crutches...did I mention while keeping my leg elevated?

O.K. so my plans include continuing the new series with "box art" pieces that I began a few weeks ago..."Dancing Divas". "Box art" is the term I created about 8 years ago to explain the process of recycling discarded comsumer packages into art. The process involves cutting up a cereal box for example, drawing on top of the existing images, then re-assembling the designed pieces into a new artwork. Earlier images posted here utilize that method of art. Well, here's to the next 28 days of creating to the tune of the "Hard Cast Blues".